This is a conversation I had on Skype with Tina, one of my friends from school. She is a wise woman of God. In other words, she is someone I look up to.
It was Friday, March 12, 2010 in the morning, as I am attempting to finish a paper due the next day.
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Heather Bird: i hate to ask or interrupt your paper, but could i please talk something out with you?
Tina Alanis: hi what's up
Heather Bird: ok so you know about my passion for serving in Romania - the mission organization im with is sending a team back there this summer.
I was really excited about a friend who might be going, telling her all about it. But last night and all this morning I feel crushed that Im not going.
I keep hearing influences of finishing school first, and others saying if you hear the call, go now. Im not sure anymore what im hearing from myself (what i want to do) or from God (what He wants me to do). at this point im just overwhelmed with emotions
This trip wouldnt be my extended one - its only three weeks - but those 3 weeks are during student teaching. And i want to graduate with everyone - and my job plan works out really well with school this summer - but if i waited til next spring, i would have 2 years experience and have 60hours reducted from student teaching hours. as you can see, my mind is racing.
Tina Alanis: Heather I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you I think your heart has already told you what to do. You have been passionate about Romania as long as I have known you. I understand you wanting to graduate with our cohort but I don't think we will all be together at the end. We don't know who will be left at the end of all of this. And what is more important doing God's work or graduating with friends. I don't mean to be rude but... What you should do is figure out what it would take to go to Romania financially, will you have a job when you return and does it really matter. You can find a job somewhere else. Can you pick up a cohort at a later time. Just do the work and God will give you the answer. Above all pray about it. You will know what to do.
Heather Bird: i know you cant tell me - and i know what my heart wants to do. i think im getting so frustrated because i cant tell what is my voice and God's - its not as clear cut as last time. though if i was to sign without God's will, He would stop me from going.
i think above all im afraid if i talk to my parents about it, theyll say no cuz of school.
Tina Alanis: If it's not in God's plan you will know because you will be forcing it to happen. As far as your parents your not quiting school. You will finish when you come back. That's why I say take the steps toward Romania. If you find you have to force "things" to happen then chances are you should back off. If doors open walk through. Maybe your parents is where you should start.
ask God to help you talk to them.
Heather Bird: thats what I was thinking. oh man. such a big step. though iv been waiting for this almost 2 years. I think im gonna call the director and talk about it.
thank you, tina.
Tina Alanis: go for it
... Three minutes later ...
Heather Bird: ok she didnt answer but i left a message - thank you for letting me get it out! while im in a stable emotion, ill try to get my paper done
Tina Alanis: step one done, concentrate on getting your paper done and wait for an answer. This will be a definite should or shouldn't.
Heather Bird: an email is out too. ok here goes the paper - ill let you know tomorrow of any updates.
Tina Alanis: I'm proud of you for taking action. You feel better now for doing it.
Heather Bird: oh man - heres what the director's response was: To be totally honest with you, one of our prayers at last night's council meeting was to fill the Romania team. I know Viata prefers a bigger team and right now we have 5, I'd LOVE to see 8. So, I'd love for you to continue to pursue it and get an application filled out today and bring it tomorrow."
Tina Alanis: so do you need your parents ok to do this?
Heather Bird: well for me, yes. technically no.
my mom is working today, but i think ill call her and ask to talk when she has a few minutes. but dad is home, but has a migraine so it would be difficult to talk with him about it. once i get my emotions in check, ill call my mom.
Tina Alanis: i know you are excited about it. But maybe it's best to talk to your mom face to face. There would be so much decontextualized talk. I think its best for your mom to see your passion. Can you fill out the application ahead of time and talk to your mom when she gets home or go to lunch with her and talk
Heather Bird: i agree - person is def better- she works in the valley though and is going to lunch soon. unless i get in the car and meet her there. she doesnt get home til about 8 tonight. and by then shes tired.
Tina Alanis: so go
Heather Bird: ok i called her back. im meeting her for lunch! ill talk to you later!
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Later that day, I talked to my mom and thankfully received a blessing. I had also though of a possible alternative route for schooling - the reason I was worried about my parents approval was because I had promised not to go on any more trips until I had finished school. BUT when God calls, you can't answer by saying "Sure God, just let me get this done and I'll be all yours".
I had the application filled out, got my references in, and had it all ready to turn in at the information night the day after.
Oh, and I did finish my paper :)
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